her vagine was all disorganized.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
