he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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