I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
