Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
