would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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