how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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