Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
