Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
