If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
