The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
