He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
