dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
