Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
