evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
