I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
