You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
