i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
