so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
