I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
