why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
