I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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