I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
