I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
