I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
