Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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