I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
