Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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