do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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