dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
