turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
