I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
