i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Randomize
