Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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