FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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