I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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