its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
