$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
