it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
