Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
