Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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