I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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