Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
