By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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