We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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