cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she told me i tasted like america
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
