woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
