I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
