i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
