He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
