dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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